Anger is an emotional state that enhances physical strength, but also releases impulsive, aggressive behavior. The physical strength is good when you life depends upon fighting or fleeing powerfully. However, when getting what you want is determined by clear thinking and effective social performance, anger is usually counter-productive.
Consider Dr. Jekyll: He loves his wife, and treats her well, except when he is angry. The first time he abused her, it surprised her and she told him she would leave, but he begged her to stay and swore he would never do it again. Like an alcoholic who swears he will never drink again, Dr. Jekyll meant what he said, but the next time he was angry he transformed into Mr. Hyde, who failed to act as Dr. Jekyll promised.
Dr. Jekyll has tender thoughts of his wife, and memories of good times past come easily to mind - bad thoughts and images are far away. But when he is in his Mr. Hyde trance it seems that she is always looking at other men and never treats him with respect. Now his tender feelings for her are far away. The trance formation from Jekyll to Hyde is invisible to him - at each moment he believes he sees things as they really are.
Dr. Jekyll is no fool and yet he makes the same error again and again. Like you, he can easily see the perceptual biases of others, but is blind to his own at the critical moments. He regrets the pain he causes to others and to himself. No matter how sincere the apologies, his promise never to do it again is insufficient to stop him from repeating the sequence of thoughts and emotions that evoke the evil trance formation.
Our approach to anger management therapy is to collaborate with Dr. Jekyll to train Mr. Hyde to react to provocations the way Dr. Jekyll wishes him to. Treatment consists of two phases:
- Conceptualization: Dr. Dubin's responsibility is to summarize the principles of cognitive and neural science that pertain to anger management as well as his 30 years of clinical experience in the field. Dr. Jekyll's responsibility is to offer information about his or her particular history, values, and goals. We seek a meeting of the minds to figure out the solution to Mr. Hyde's fight-or-flight problem.
- For summaries of ancient wisdom and reviews of contemporary research in cognitive and neural science that pertain to anger management, please click here.
- Execution: Like the martial artist who must execute well during moments of great stress, Mr. Hyde must learn to react to provocations in ways that bring about outcomes that Dr. Jekyll wants. The development of the strength and skills required to perform as intended during crises requires exercise and rehearsal.
- For some exercises that develop the cognitive faculties and practical skills to act in accord with your interests and principles despite local provocations please click here.
If you or a loved one could benefit from anger management therapy please feel free to take advantage of all the free information and tools available on this web site, including our treatment manual: Avoidable Suffering. For information about our treatment programs, products, and courses please click the button below.
"That which does not destroy me makes me stronger. "
~ Nietzsche
